Why Do People Assume You’re Having Children?

Recently I met up with a former work acquaintance of mine for coffee. He was preparing for an interview and I knew some people at the company he was interviewing at so he asked if he could pick my brain on what I knew.

We met at Starbucks and were in line waiting to order our coffee. Over time we got to know each other on a semi-personal level so we were catching up.  He was telling me about a trip he went on out east where he used to live. He still owns a house out there. I told him my wife and I were in the process of looking for a house and I was telling him the area that we were looking.

Then it happened.

I told him we were looking in the Minnetonka area and he said:

“Oh it’s smart you’re looking in Minnetonka. It’s never too early to think about the school district you could send your kids to.”

He is a father and assumed we would be having children. I don’t get offended by comments like these at all so it didn’t matter to me. I told him that we aren’t having children so the school district isn’t high on our list. (Although honestly it can make a difference in resale value so it is something to factor in even if you’re living a Child Free Life.) He gave me a somewhat surprised looked and said:

“Well, you never know what will happen in the future.”

This got me thinking, why do people assume you’re going to have children? And why don’t they believe you?

I understand that statistically most couples have children. But why do people assume this?

Here are 5 reasons they assume you’re having children:

1. They followed the social norm to have children and assume you’ll do the same.

It never crossed their mind that you have a choice to have children. They see having children as the next step in their life because that’s what society tells them to do. If everyone jumped off a bridge would you do the same? I thought so.

2. They Can’t imagine their life without children.

There’s no doubt in my mind that the majority of parents, but definitely not all, actually enjoy being parents. That’s a good thing! When people enjoy something, they think you will too. This applies to most things in life. How many times have you had someone recommend a movie, TV show, book, restaurant, brand, food that they enjoy? This is completely understandable because they’ve gotten happiness out of something and believe you will too. Of course, you won’t necessarily get the same happiness. Someone might recommend Thai food, but if you don’t like that type of cuisine, you’re not going to get happiness out of it. The interesting part to me is that if you tell someone you don’t like Thai food they’ll generally be ok with your response. But if you tell someone you don’t want kids, they’ll be shocked and speechless. Be brave if you choose to live a Child Free Life.

3. All of your friends are having children so you should too.

One of my co-workers is guilty of this. She and her husband didn’t particularly want  a child in their lives. But their friends who had children talked about how great it was to have them and raise them. They pressured them until they cracked. They caved and decided to have a child while she still could physically. Now she makes comments about how being a parent is not what she expected. She cannot wait for the next time they can get a babysitter so she can spend time with her husband. It wasn’t the right fit for them to have a child, but the peer pressure got to them.

4. The woman has a biological clock and a “natural urge” to reproduce.

I feel bad for woman who are living a Child Free Life by choice. People always make comments about how they better start trying to have a child while they still can. The worst part is even after they say they’re not having children, they STILL GET ASKED! It goes back to parents insisting other people have children because they have children. Guess what, it’s not for everyone!

5. They made a huge life mistake.

I truly believe there are some parents that deep down realize they made a massive life mistake. They had children because they thought they wanted them, but never really thought about what it was going to be like to have children. They didn’t realize the work, the financial implications, and the time suck. Now they’re jealous that other couples made the decision to not have children and are living a Child Free Life. They’ll never admit this of course, but you can absolutely  tell it’s true with some parents.

So much of life depends on the choices you make. We have free will and you are free to make the choices you want. You can choose to be in a relationship. You can choose to be single. You can choose to work at a job. You can choose to quit a job. You can choose which people you surround yourself with. You can choose to not have children. You have a choice. Your choice may have consequences or may not be popular with others, but it’s your choice. That’s one of the great things about life. It’s your life and your choices to make. Make the best choices you can and be as happy as you can. Isn’t that the point after all anyway?